dearest veil.....

Okay I am just want to clarify why I become a jerk

Real jerk

I've been using my veil since february till september

And after going to college (malang to Bintaro)

I put it off??

So many people ask me, why I do that?

How could I become a jerk??

Become Son of a beeech etc

Okay I admitted I am being jerk right now

Because I can't handdle with my words

I am just like a piece of shit right now

Have no consistence with my words

And some  people judge like I play with my religon

It just like a pro and contra with an "obligation of wearing a veil"

It shouldn't look like that,

Wearing a veil is a "must" actually in my religion

And I know about that

And I did...

But there's so many thing to do "in a must" condition,  another rules of a veil

Like we should pray 5 times a day

Like we must not judging each other

Like we must not hurting each other

Like we must  telling  the truth

And so many thing in a "must"  we shhhould do

But why u just focused on myveil?

Why u don't ask about how many time I pray today?

I don't want discuss about this sensitve things actually

But I am just wanna tell you, it could't change me if I wear a veil or not

You'll still my friend, I still love with all of you

Its up to you, if you want hate me after reading all this crap

Don't worry if I become atheist or something like that

Because I really love my God, my religion

I still reading some books about sufi, if you want to know you can ask me privately

I could cry with just look up to the sky, and wondering why God just so Good

It just right now I am become a totally jerk

And for all of you who having consistency in wearing hijab, I give all off my thumbs for you all

You all just amazing, stay like that

All of the men drooling over you

You'll  get a great and amazing husband soon, because u're not an  usual women, ure different

Ure totally an angel

And for all of you who doesn't wearing a hijab

Just okay,

You're not a bitch at all,

You just not ready yet

Everyone need a process

And I believe sometimes if you're ready

You'll wear it, I believe that

Because who doesn’t want change become a better person?

But just like me, I am just not ready yet

Honestly I am so sad of become like this actually,

but you just don't know how hard when you should become "not yourself"

Like I always have a low confidence, or like I just feeling not good when I am with my hijab

Everyone said that I am better with my hijab, my heart feels that too

But I have I tiny devil heart that haunts me like a shit

I lost my confidence

And it feel so hurt

I can't be my self

Sekali lagi untuk kalian yang mengingatkan terimakasih,

dan suatu saat ntah an hour later, atau besok atau 20 tahun depan, I ll be back, dan menyesali ke labiilan in

semoga bermanfaat

:(

i